JUST RANDOM ISH

I can finally say that I'm starting to feel like the old me again. Lord knows that it has been a tough couple of months. I never thought I would have had to experience such things. I can say that I am stronger because of it. I have learned alot and it has taught me to open my eyes and not be so BLIND. This journey that I have been on has taken me on a wild ride and hey what can I say it's been one heck of one. I look back now and see all of the mistakes that I made but isn't that what life is all about making mistakes and learning from them?? My heart has been torn to pieces and put back together. This time it's gotta shield over it so that I can take the pain it will endure next time. I can finally smile and say that I'm happy with the way things are. I've already shed way too many tears on this and it's done nothing but make me feel worse. All because I would sit there and think about it and then get MAD AS HELL because I was so stupid to let it happen like that. But hey we live and we learn right?? I have a joy in my heart that NOBODY can take from me. I smile everyday knowing I have overcome such a grand event. I have to sit back and laugh at myself now because I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so angry and upset about BS. For what it's worth I'm good now. I can admit that I'm a bit dramatic, but aren't we all?? I love me and I gotta start appreciating myself. So America watch out because SASHA is coming and there is no turning back!!!
Signing off,
Sasha~Fierce

MY MOMMY >>WORLD'S GREATEST<<

Where do I begin? My mommy is the greatest person that I know. She has been there through it all and I honestly know that I can count on her. I don't always listen to her like I should, but I know in the end that she's right. I love her more than life itself. I would kill for her. No questions asked. If it was necessary I would die for her. I can talk to her and I know that she knows even before I tell her. Funny thing is she lets me believe that she doesn't..lol. I alot of times take her for granted and I don't tell her how much she means to me. She means more to me than she'll ever know. I can't repay her for all that she has given me, but I know that I can start telling her what she does for me is more than enough. We can laugh at the silliest things and then turn right around and have the most serious talks. She always listens even when I don't say anything. She knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I can't think of a greater person to be my mom. She has a place in my heart that NOBODY can take. I'll love her to the end and back. I know she's down for me. She's my ride or die, my best friend forever, my ace boon. Anything I got she can have because I owe her just that much. As I write this tears are flowing down my face, because that 's just how strong my love is her and all that she has done. She completes me and she understands when no one else does. She doesn't always tell me what I want to hear but she tells me what I need to hear. Sometimes it's a tough pill to swallow but she just wants me to realize. I can't fault her for that. She's a tough lady and I don't think I would've been strong enough to do what she has done. She has sacrificed and made my life the most enjoyable it could be. I can't thank her enough. I LOVE YOU MAMA!!! You got me when I don't have myself.
Signing off,
Sasha

We All Have To Learn

I'm tired of looking out my window see shadows of you, and I cant hang out with my girls cause I'm checking my rear view!!! You calling breathing all hard like I cant hear you and everytime I hit the club you just happen to be there too? All I ever wanted was to be with you, BUT when I needed you, I had to compete with clubs, drugs, the streets, and PS2. Out all night chasing women with your weak ass crew, but I guess when your in Rome, you do what Romans do, BUT uh.....they go home alone....just like you, wishing they would have held on....just like you, probably calling playing on phones....just like youI'm so through dealing with niggas, just like you, cause I done had a few niggas just like you.........I had the "Ballin Type" keep calling all night claiming he coming through....I had the "CEO" that would bring me dough cause he always had something to prove....I had the so called "God Man" that thought he could do everything God can, so he was closer to God than the church man....I had the meet me at the poetry spot "Down to Earth man".....I had the "Nigga from the Club" who was only good for a fuck.....I had the "Street Nigga" that kept claiming he was down on his luck.....I had a "Player" with no goals, no heart, just game.....I had the "24 in the studio" on his way to fame....I had a "Control Freak" who thought he could keep me on a chain.....and I had a "Nigga That Lied So Much"...I dont even know his real name!!!At the end of the night, they all made me feel the same...I had a million things to lose and not a DAMN thing to gain. I told you I needed you and your shoulders shrugged...I tell you I'm leaving and you call my bluff! I say "A million men want me" and you say "They can have you then", so when you beg for me to come back I tell you "I GOT A MAN".....whose not just my lover, but my friend, the closest person to me, so I call him my "Next to Kin" and I....know you think you own this, but guess what....he put it in! And represented for all men. Even those that act like BOYS, but we still call MEN! And to think that you gone fall in and feed me BULLSHIT sprinkled with game on it????? But when he HIT IT.....he wrote HIS name on it, I was committed when he put HIS brain on it! He and I will parade these streets and I'll be damned if you rain on it!!!!!!!!Look I know you have your regrets.....and I'm not gone throw it in your face cause HELL I WISH YOU THE BEST......but HIM for YOU????? Thats like MORE for LESS....and I just cant do it! You HAD your chance, BUT YOU BLEW IT. And deep inside I think you knew it was KILLING me, BUT SILLY me....I couldnt see the forest for the trees, and I didn't know I was CUT so deep until I began to BLEED. I guess they left out all the SNAKES, in the story of BIRDS & BEES.......so you can CRY me a RIVER nigga, CRY me a SEA, BUT.......THATS THE LAST TIME I LOVE A NIGGA THAT AINT GOT NO LOVE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!

UNKNOWN

Yesterday. October 12, 2009. Where do I begin? My day started out rough. It was rough mostly because the night before I didn't sleep good at all. I went to bed with things on my mind and woke up with things on my mind. Funny how life plays out huh? Went to class and I still didn't feel like myself. I'm usually the person that can take charge of how I'm feeling and put a smile on my face even when I'm feeling down and out. I couldn't seem to do that yesterday. It just seemed as though nothing was going right and I was gonna break down at any moment. Then after my math class went to the library and got on Facebook. Chatted with a friend about what was going on in my head. He told me what was what. I can honestly say that I was so mad and so heated that I was in a RAGE! Then I just wanted to cry. Couldn't cry in the library it's too public. So I went to my next class feeling like "damn that's how you really feel?" Couldn't even focus in that class I was there physically but my mind was somewhere else. Got back to the room and just let go. Crying and asking myself why. I already knew the answer. Wanted to go blow up, but what good was that gonna do. I feel like I wanna go let off some steam. Me and a few peeps are going to the gun range and I'm gonna let out all of this anger and frustration. Had my whole F THE WORLD attitude going on. But why the whole world? The world didn't do it to me. All I know is I cried my last tear yesterday. No more of this for that. I can only be me, I don't know how to turn myself on and off. We'll see what happens in the long run. Just know this. I'm happy and I won't let anyone steal my joy EVER again.

This song was what I was feeling
http://www.imeem.com/artists/amanda_perez/music/7Du6vh-q/amanda-perez-angel/

Signing off,
Sasha~Fierce

Friends

FRIENDS!! I thought they were the ones who were supposed to be there through it all. Apparently I was wrong. Someone whom I thought was my friend turned their back on me. Honestly I don't know why. I thought that this person was down for my team, but in actuality it seems like they were only down when it was convenient for them. I thought the friendship that we held was something special. Never in my life would I have thought that it would come to this. I honestly don't know why it had to end like this. I thought we were all grown and we could talk about our problems but obviously not. It seems that you threw me under the bus. I fault myself because I open up entirely too much and I love WAY too hard, but one thing that I will NOT put against me is being a bad friend. I was there when you felt like you had nobody else to talk to. I may have changed but I changed for the better. Like I say all the time, I don't know how to turn Sasha on and off and when it comes back to bite you for what you did, don't come running to me with that bs talking bout I need because at the end of the day, remember YOU threw ME under the bus. I can only be me and if you don't like me for who I am, then I'm glad the friendship ended. Never in my life would I have thought that you could be so SIMPLE. Guess it's true what they say that you learn something new everyday. Well that was on my heart and I thought I should share it.
Signing off,
It's Bebo Baby

MY BIRTHDAY WEEK

My my my...where should I begin?? My birthday was September 29th. Alot of things happened during that week and I had so much fun. It started out, Malaysia and me were watching the Dallas Cowboys play the Carolina Panthers. The game wasn't really that interesting so me and Malaysia talked the whole time. So 12:00 struck and it was my BIRTHDAY!! WOO HOO!! So I went home and went to sleep. So the next morning, hopped up out the bed screaming IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! My 21st birthday to be exact. So I went to my one class that I had that day which was Physics Lab. My teacher even told me Happy Birthday and we got out of lab early. Turned out that to be a good birthday so far. Later on that night, Britt, Malaysia, Ashlee, and me all went to Wild Wings. Ashlee showed up a few hours late, but it was cool. I ordered the Buffarella and it was SO hot yet so good. YUMMM! We sitting there and some dudes walk in and they giving us the "eye" like they wanna holla. I didn't think any of them were cute but hey my own personal opinion and this is MY BLOG fool!!!...lol. So we all sitting at the table, laughing waiting on Ashlee to arrive. Finally Ashlee makes her grand entrance. Then we thought we were about to leave and then this man comes around asking do we wanna play trivia. So Ashlee volunteers and says sure why not. Some of those trivia questions, were out of this world crazy. On some of them we were looking at each other like wtfreak?, who thinks about stuff like that. Oh well it was fun anyway. So we FINALLY told our waitress it was my birthday. She said I'll be right back with your treat with 4 spoons. So while she was doing that me, Ashlee, and Malaysia went to the bathroom while Britt stayed at the table and waited for my birthday treat. As soon as we walk out the bathroom, those same dudes from earlier spoke again and this time Ashlee waved and you know that just boosted up their egos some more. Ashlee and Malaysia stayed back there to talk, and I left them standing there because as I said before none of them were cute to me. So I get back to the table and Britt is already eating my birthday treat. >>HEIFER<<...JK JK..love my cousin. My birthday treat turned out to be 2 HUGE brownies in a HUGE bowl topped with a ENORMOUS amount of vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup and some whipped cream on the side. It was SO good. Me and Malaysia been thinking about going back and telling them it's her birthday so we can get that again. That thing was RIGHT!! Whew. Mouth watering just thinking about it. Lol. So after we finished eating that we decided to get up and give the dudes a little bit of our time. We went back there and they are all standing around talking amongst themselves. So they asked whose birthday it was and I said that it was mine. So the dude(I say dude because I can't remember his name right now), took my bill and paid for it. So that means that my food was FREE!! >>YEAH BUDDY!!<<>>LAMES<<. We did meet one cool kid out the group. His name was Paul and he was 28. He seemed like a dude that you could trip with because he was just so funny. That about sums up my birthday. Now for the rest of the week....Didn't really do anything Wednesday and Thursday but Friday I went to class and then I rode to Simpsonville with Britt so she could see her family(my cousins). We went to her parents' house and I got to play with her nephew Braylen >>such a SWEET baby<<. Then me, her, and her sister Danielle all went to the mall to shop around and look. Britt found this cute cute long dress for $10. Now that's what I call a deal. I didn't find anything, but oh well it was a nice outting with the Fam. Me and Britt made our way back to Spartanburg after all that and we were flat out tired. We talked to Craig across the hall and just chilled. I ended up spending the night over there so Britt wouldn't be by herself since Morgan >>her roomie<<>>gotta keep it PG in these streets..lol<<. Then Morgan comes in at 7 and she's making all kinds of noise and I'm thinking wtfreak Batman, like really? Wanted to get up and slap her and tell to take her butt to sleep cause it's too freaking early for this, but I said no because I didn't want to cause any tension between her and my cousin >>You mess with her and you mess with me<<. So then 30 minutes later Morgan's 2 friends come over. Shawn and What's his face...can't remember that kid's name. Then they talking all loud I thought Britt was gonna bust through the door because it was 7:45 or 8ish and they were REALLY loud. HAHA!! So after Morgan and her crew left to go to McDonald's to get breakfast, me and Britt got dressed and went out in search of her a ponytail. First we went to, Divine Hair Supply. They had a cute one but that thing was so nappy she would've had to cut most of it. So we didn't get that. Then that man tried to sell us something us. He didn't even know what he was talking about. He knew the basics like what a quick weave was and what is synthetic and what's human hair and what you can do to it as far as heat goes. But I knew that, they could paid me to sell hair..lol. So we went to the gas station because the gas light came on in the Jeep. After we got the gas, we went downtown to Venus hair supply and found Britt the PERFECT ponytail. It was a little girl in there with 2 pigtails, she had to be at least 10 or 11 and her part was crooked and they were all loose. Her mama should've made her lil butt go back in the house and brush that stuff back into a ponytail. But that's a different subject for a different day. So after we got done with that we went back to Britt's house and she began to shower and get dressed. I got on FACEBOOK while she did all that. Seem like everybody and they mama was calling or texting me. Was bout to turn off my phone, but I knew if people was doing all that it must've been important. An hours and a half before everybody is supposed to meet Steven texts me and says after I get gas I'll be headed that way. I'm thinking good grief dude, you early..lol. But hey it was cool and least he was dressed and ready. So after he tells me that I jump(well not really jump just a figure of speech) in the shower. As soon as I get out and put my basketball shorts and a t-shirt on he's texting me asking me what apt does my cousin live in. So him and Kendra come and wait for me to finish getting my stuff so we could go back to my apt so I could get dressed. I came back and put on the outfit that I had planned to wear and let's just say it didn't work out. So ended up putting on my black Chiffon shorts jumper that my Mommy picked out :-) and my gray Carlos Santana pumps and if I do say so myself I was looking >>FIERCE<<. So we left and had to make a "pit stop" at Wal-Mart because Kendra forgot something. Don't worry Kendra I won't put you on blast like that :-). Then we hit the road to CHARLOTTE. It was a smooth ride. I will admit some emotions hit me when we got to Charlotte and I shed some tears. My soul cleansing for the day. Then we get almost the Cheesecake Factory >>the place where we ate<<>>YES!!!<<>>All of it tasted SO good<<>>our 1st waiter<<>>GREAT LOVELY<<, Malaysia got the 4 cheese pasta with chicken, Jazz got the Lousiana something--well it came with chicken. I got to sample off of people's plates. What I tasted was so good. Good Lord. Got me calling on the Lord thinking about that food...haha. We sat there and talked and laughed everybody was having a good time. Then we paid and went to the mall. Couldn't buy anything because the stuff that I wanted was all $300+. Guess that's what I get for having expensive taste. Blame my mom for that :-). Left and came back to Spartanburg and even listened to some Tokio Hotel :-). I rocks with those kids. Got back to my apt and chilled. Steven went and bought some Four Loko because Kendra wanted to drink. It was cool just chilling. Then my cousin came back over and I got dressed to go out. Kendra and Steven went to Brandon's apt. We ended not going out but it was one of the best nights EVER!! Just laughing and tripping with everybody. If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing. Well there you have it my Birthday weekend. Hope you enjoyed it :-).
Signing off,
It's Bebo Baby :-)